Lots has happened on the relationship front as well. Richard was very supportive to me while I was studying and decompensating into a very anxious, less sane version of myself. We agreed that nothing would change on my end until after my examinations were done, meaning I wouldn't be job hunting for positions in the Los Angeles area. Furthermore, since he is still awaiting to get moved to a more permanent placement, we agreed to just continue to play the waiting game. As of today, he still has no idea where he may end up. I have started browsing for opportunities in the Los Angeles area, but the economy has hit the world of mental health hard.
What did change however, was his status with his company. I can't divulge too much here, but what I can say is that the nail is in the coffin and he will not be looking for another job. So any hope of him returning to the Bay Area in a new, less stressful job is gone, with the exception of the occasional bid for work in the Northern California area.
What also changed was his living situation. On May 1st, he moved into his own place. So our set up of him coming up here all the time reversed to me going down there. I have Fridays off from work, so we set it up so I fly down Thursday night after work and fly back Monday. BART makes it really simple to get between the airport and work. So now we have the luxury of four nights together per week every two weeks! Plus, with me in charge of planning, I can book ahead of time and get the cheapest fares for flights. So that has been our MO for the last couple of months. However, we did have a flight booked for him for Memorial Day weekend because we had concert tickets.
That didn't go so well. Richard was holding on to some resentment about being the one always coming up here and we ended up in our most serious argument we have ever had. I will spare you the gory details, but it was bad. In retrospect, I'm glad it happened because I said a lot of things that I needed to say. I expressed how I really felt like second fiddle to his job most of the time and he admitted that is in fact what I am. It wasn't in a nasty, malicious way. He was just speaking his truth. And if I really look at myself, I have been very focused on my career the last seven years as well. I think just actually hearing him say it, in some way, gave me some peace. It gave me the opportunity to really look at myself and my priorities and think more about what I want for myself for my career. It also reinforced to me that we can both focus on our careers because neither one of us is going anywhere. So I really felt like our commitment has been reinforced through all of this.
So, I have really come to a place of acceptance for where we are now. I have enjoyed being licensed so far and the four nights together REALLY makes a HUGE difference. I cannot stress this enough. And in addition, I get every other weekend to myself to enjoy my girlfriends and enjoy all the culture of the Bay Area. Oh and I can't forget to mention that I started my own therapy in April, which has helped tremendously. So I guess to sum it all up, life is good. I really want to express my profound gratitude to all my friends that have supported me unrelentingly over the last months. I also want to say thanks to the people that I don't know personally that read my thoughts here and leave comments. Some of you have left comments asking for advice, but I can't find a way to contact you back. So please feel free to email me directly and please subscribe. I'm back in business, see you all next Friday.
1 comment:
Hey... congrats on your MFT exam !!!!
I'm so happy for you that everything is going well, both work mode and love mode. Although you've been though a lot of ups and downs but at least, right now everything is all 'under control' aye?
As for me, life is pretty confusing. Sucks, i know.
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