Major Update Part Two

...be sure to read part one first!!

Okay so I left off right about the time I posted my November 19th post. That was the post that I really wanted to be the one announcing we would be living together again. Although all the changes were still looming, the fact that they were NOT happening just made me more and more despondent and desperate. As you can guess, that following Friday turned out to be just as disappointing as the others, and my desperation grew. Richard went camping that weekend, so I didn't talk to him at all for five days. That Sunday I went out with friends and I told a new acquaitance my story about all of this. I got the typical response of "wow, that sucks. I could neeeeeever do that. How do you do it?" Usually these responses slide off of my back. But not this time. This time I thought, 'this does suck. This really, really sucks. And I am FED UP!'

And I was truly fed up. So when Richard finally got home on Sunday night, he excitedly called me. We have never gone that long without some form of communication, and he was looking forward to telling me all of his stories. So when he called, I told him that I did not want to talk to him. I had nothing to say. I was sad and depressed and he hated talking to me when I felt that way, so I decided it was best that we not talk. Not surprisingly, he was worried by this. He insisted we talk. He asked what I was upset about and I answered "everything!" I was upset by my job, by our relationship. I was fed up of being long-distance, I was angry we didn't have a plan, I was hurt that he didn't seem bothered at all by any of it. I was also hurt that he didn't seem more amenable to coming up with a solution, even if that solution included him supporting me financially for a bit. So he asked, 'what do you want to do?' And I answered, 'I want to quit my job, and I want to move.' He replied, 'lets just wait for Hawaii.' And I said, 'we have been for two months now. If we keep waiting for Hawaii to come through, we will be having this same conversation this time next year, if we are still together.' I think this response jostled him a bit. So after a lengthy deliberation, we agreed the time had come. I resigned the next day, Monday November 23rd. My last day of employment would be Thursday, December 17th, 2009.

The following weeks were simply overwhelming. I was very busy at work. I was very busy trying to piece some sort of plan together. I put in notice on my apartment. Richard and I continued to live in uncertainty about Hawaii. But we did know that we were going to be together again. When we saw each other again the first weekend of December, it was amazing. All the pressure was gone. We were able to just enjoy being together, and we did just that.

And finally, on December 14th, we received the official relocation package letter. I continued to be hesitant to post any updates because nothing was booked, and we still do not have flights booked and we should be there on January 18th. But I have faith that it will all come together. So at some point, in the next two to three weeks, we will be on a jet plane heading for a new life together.

Since December 14th, I had my last day of work on December 17th. I spent a great weekend surrounded by great friends. I did a lot of moving preparation. We spent Christmas together. We talked more about our level of commitment and agreed that we are life partners. No more boyfriend/girlfriend labels. It doesn't do what we have between us justice. And on January 4th I left Northern California behind. I am currently sitting in a coffee shop in Long Beach, CA enjoying the beautiful sunshine and the absence of the tremendous amount of stress my job and the distance caused. It has only been a couple of days, but I sleep like a log and I don't have the aches and pains I grew so accustomed to. We have a whole new ball of stress waiting with the relocation, but we will get through it together. Like we have everything else over the past 7.5 years.

So with that, I think this brings an end to the LDR blog. But I enjoy writing and will need a forum to update everyone about the stress of readjusting to no-distance coupledom, unemployment, job searching and the rough life of living on a tropical island. We have already had disagreements about money and our pet rabbit, so it should get interesting! So thoughts about a new theme/title will be welcome. So with that, I bid you all Aloha! Thanks for reading.

Quick Check In

Hey world. I am still alive. So is Richard. We are still together. I have a LOT to update you on and I am in the middle of a really long post. But I am running out of laptop battery so I wanted to get something up quickly just to say hello and and say we are okay and going strong.

I also really wanted to let you all know that that Richard and I are featured in the new (January, Natalie Portman on cover) US version of Marie Claire magazine. There is a section called the Careerist and the feature is on the new commuter marriages, AKA long-distance marriages. So check it out and put a face to a blog! It is small, and I think the quotes that she chose sound way out of context of the entire interview and background story I provided to her, but hey, it is what it is. So hurry before the February issue comes out, which will be next week. Sorry so late getting this up. You will know why after my next post!

Thanks for reading!

Major Update Part One-September to November

Wow, how time flies. I have been putting off this post and putting off this post for far too long. In my head it had only been about three weeks or so since my last post. But I now realize that I haven't posted in close to two months. I was putting off the post because I had so much to write about that I never seemed to have enough time to just sit down and hammer it all out. Turns out when you do that, just more things happen to write about. It's a vicious cycle.

So I have found myself in a place where I have more time to write about all the latest. However, I don't have a reliable Internet connection. And now I am running out of battery at the free wi-fi place I located. So this may end up being a two or three part ordeal. How is that for suspense?! Plus, I don't want it to turn into a TL;DR.

I don't feel right giving an update without proper background information. So let us back track to September. Richard called me one evening and said "my work asked me to go to Hawaii...what do you think?" So this led to weeks and weeks of talking, researching, analyzing and of course indecisiveness, changing of minds and opinions, and lots of pros and cons discussions. I was hesitant to get on board with relocating because my job was really pushing talk of offering me a promotion and a raise. I knew it would not be a large raise, but just the new title and position would be resume bolstering and would really help my career in the future. So that led to some of my hesitation. Richard heard stories of island fever and the high cost of living, which led to his hesitation and we both just could not make a decision.

So all of this back and forth contributed to my October 23rd post. I wanted to move to Hawaii, but I knew it would involve a lot of work, change and adjustment. I also wanted my promotion. I wanted to feel validated about what I had given to my employers over the last two and half years. I wanted to finally be valued for my performance and skill level, which far exceeded some of my colleagues on the same salary. I wanted my decision to not move to Southern California with Richard to be further validated by the promotion and raise. I already felt it was validated by my licensure in May. But the months since May seemed to be...pointless in a way. We were both scared about living together with the uncertainty of his location and the downward economy. But besides that, I was living in Northern California and spending at least $300, but usually more, on flights per month for no good reason. Although we had developed a working system, why were we really doing it? Despite the system working, we were growing distant.

So on October 23rd, Richard verbally agreed to go to Hawaii. It seemed like it was time to start planning and celebrating. But then, everything just stalled. An official relocation package letter was due the following week, and the week after, and the week after. You get the idea. We began to speculate why they didn't want to give him the official letter. We began to say things like maybe it is for the best that we don't go, maybe the promotion will come through, maybe something better will come up in California.

But none of those things happened. We just lived in flux for weeks. I grew very impatient. My employers never came through on their promise. I was given additional tasks and responsibilities, but I was NOT given more money and I was NOT given a new title. In fact, I was told I would not get either of those things and I was told this in a way that made it sound like those details didn't matter, and that I did not have a right to expect them. Well, it mattered to me. I realized I was staying in Northern California for nothing. I had no future with that agency. The job that I loved became a point of contention, a severe source of resentment. The apartment I loved became suffocating. The absence of my partner in my life there became a resounding, formidable silence.

This is a good place to break for part two.