Flex those muscles!

So I mentioned a post or two ago that I wanted to write something about flexibility. I have been thinking about this topic quite a bit since then. Lots of things have come to mind, and I'm not really sure how to focus the topic. May be one that gets some repeat posts in the future. So I guess I'll start off by stating the obvious. All relationships require some flexibility. Friends, family, intimate partners and so on. We are all humans, we all have free will, and we all have people in our lives that frequently do not do what we would like them to do, or for that matter, what we tell them to do. I think flexibility is particularly important in intimate relationships. Power is an interesting dynamic in partnerships, and I think to keep as even of a playing field as possible, the players have to be flexible.
This topic makes me think of compromise. I remember the subject came up in my couple's counseling class and a classmate stated, "I don't believe in compromise in relationships, because that means someone always has to give in, and I think that leads to resentment." I thought a lot about that comment at the time, and now in this post. I don't think that compromise and flexibility are synonymous, but I do think they are related. In order to be willing to compromise, or accepting of compromise requires some flexibility, which I believe is essential to making relationships work.
To bring this back to the topic of LDRs, I'll bring it back to my relationship. I think the foundation of an LDR is flexibility. Obviously, I would prefer to NOT be in an LDR. But I can't get my way on that right now, so I have chosen to be in one to maintain the relationship. That is just one example of having to bring some flexibility back into things, since I set a rigid boundary in my head four years ago that I would NEVER do it again. I guess there is a reason they say never say never.
On that note, when we agreed to do it, we said six months MAX. Not quite like saying never, but you get the idea, as we are nine days away from celebrating one year apart. On a more positive note, I think I am learning to become more flexible about navigating the relationship. Only took me 11 months or so, but to coin another old saying, better late then never. I am not so rigid about talking on the phone everyday, and I am really trying to focus more of my energy on being happy in general rather than being sad and frustrated about the relationship not being ideal. After all, being sad and frustrated about things is really just non-productive, and not conducive to being successful in an LDR. I am also trying to let go of needing a plan. Although I do think it is a really important part of being in a LDR, and I do still really wish we had a plan, I am learning and trying to accept that is just isn't always possible. And plans can certainly change very quickly, so it isn't a guarantee or an insurance policy. So on that note, nothing new to report. Richard is still in Kansas. His departure date is still TBD. I'm looking forward to seeing him for Thanksgiving in just a couple more days. Four nights in the same bed is going to be glorious! And we had a great weekend just two weekends ago, so I almost feel spoiled. So in closing, things are moving along. I'm going to keep reminding myself of the serenity prayer. I don't always get my way. I can't expect to, so I have to practice mindfulness. I have to just keep trying to do my best to stay open minded, and of course, the word of the day, FLEXIBLE!!

Just to clear the air...

I know I said at the end of my last post that I would be doing a post on flexibility. I have to procrastinate on that post because it has come to my attention that my blog has become a bit out of balanced, meaning I have vented a lot of negativity, and have not kept the dignity meant for this space. It seems that when I really got rolling writing this blog, it was a time of another transition for Richard and I, and a lot of my frustrations were expressed here. I want this space to continue to be what I intended. I want it to be honest, I don't want it to be censored. I want it to be a place where people can come and see that they are not alone in their feelings of frustration, anger, loneliness, jealousy, confusion, etc. So I will continue to discuss those feelings as they arise, and I will continue to use self-disclosure as the best tool I know to really explore these situations and feelings. However, this is NOT my Richard-bashing blog. I love him. I wouldn't be trying to do this if I didn't. I wouldn't be trying to help others get along in their relationship if I didn't think my own relationship was amazing and so totally worth the heart-ache, irritation, etc. I wish there was a way that he could incorporate his side of things, and maybe that is something I will try to do on the blog in the future. But since he can't, all you get for now is my side. Which, I admit, can be harsh. I will not censor myself. I want the passion of my feelings to still be there, that is the point of all of this. And lets be honest, the passion is what keeps it interesting. But I also know whole-heartedly that I am not without fault, and I will try to be accountable when I have the insight. So here is a small effort at some accountability. I can be reactive. I can be stubborn. I can be insistent. I am sensitive. I over think things. I have a low self-esteem at times, that contributes to my crazy making thoughts. I do not adjust easily to changes, which is why there was a number of posts that were rants from me since Richard moved to Kansas so abruptly, and I felt invalidated by that whole process. And like I said, these situations are going to continue to come up, and I will continue to have strong emotional reactions to them. This is who I am, and Richard knows that. Things will continue to upset us both as we continue to try to navigate this the best way we know how. But I am going to try to be mindful of keeping some balance and displaying integrity here. So to begin to create that balance and integrity, this is my why I love Richard post!

I don't even know where to start. Richard has been a constant presence in my life for the last six and a half years. Since the first day I met him, I haven't stopped thinking about him. He is always there. And I love it. I never get tired of wondering about him. What he is thinking, what he is working on, what he is having for lunch, if he is in a happy mood, if he slept well; it just goes on and on. I thought it would let up once we lived together, but it didn't. I love him because he is loyal, trust worthy, honest. He makes me laugh. He is determined. He is successful and frighteningly intelligent. He can do just about anything, and from the first time he does it, he does it well. He supports me in everything I do, even this. Nothing can make me smile more then his smile or laugh. If I am interested in something, he will learn about it. As much as I complain about his stubborn streak, and how quick he is to say something without thinking, those are parts of him that I also love, respect and appreciate. He is an incredible, completely unique human being, and he continues to be the best part of my day, everyday.

So I hope that clears up any confusion that there may have been. And I hope it is a good start to restore some balance here. Just a brief update, Richard has been in Omaha this week, but should be returning to Kansas, maybe today or tomorrow. Not really sure. I still don't know when I will see him next. He has to figure out moving out of his Orange County house, since it looks like he will be in Kansas for a bit longer. So that complicates our planning. He probably won't be joining me in my upcoming San Diego trip, to see my family for the holidays, so I know they are sad about that. Then we are off to see his friends and family and both of our homelands on December 19th! As for me, I am looking forward to a guaranteed good time this weekend, heading out to Vegas for a girl's trip, with some of my best girls. Viva Las Vegas, let the good times roll. And all the while, you know who will be in my head!