So I guess I should just pick up where I left off last and see how long this post becomes.
Shortly after my last post Richard went to Omaha for a week for work. During his time away, he notified me that he neglected to alert his landlords to the change in our departure date. This meant that I had to move us out of his studio apartment in Long Beach and into a hotel room near LAX for one week. This was the beginning of almost five weeks of hotels, arguments, stress, and overall emotional turmoil.
We spent one week at the Doubletree LAX Hotel. The hotel was very nice and it turned out to be not such a bad thing. We were close to the airport for our flight that following Friday morning and the hotel had lovely amenities. Looking back, I can't put my finger on why, but we were not getting along during the week. I'm sure it had to do with stress and anxiety about the move, and not getting along just added to the stress and anxiety. Richard was short with me, and I was snappy right back. He continued to complain about finances and Maggie-our pet rabbit. I just kept thinking once the stress of the actual flight passed, things would get better.
I was dead wrong. Departure day finally arrived on Friday January 22, 2010. Instead of helping me make final preparations, Richard went downstairs to finish up some work for an hour. We ended up leaving the hotel late because of this. We arrived at the Delta Cargo terminal to ship Maggie, since Hawaiian Airlines does not accept pet rabbits in their cargo. This took longer than expected because their machines were not working properly. We ended up getting to the airport before the flight began boarding, but Richard was upset with me for the Maggie problem, even though the situation was completely out of my control. We ended up not speaking the entire flight.
We also didn't speak when we arrived to Honolulu Airport and encountered another snafu with Maggie. The people in charge decided that Maggie needed to be inspected by a plant inspector to determine that she was not a "wild" rabbit. Apparently there is great concern about rabbits getting loose and destroying the flora of the island. So this took over an hour. Richard was fuming because he was due at work. Yes, he had to go to work on the day we arrived on Oahu. Again, none of this was my fault but I was where he directed his frustration. We arrived to Ko 'Olina where our hotel was located. He apologized for being hard on me and left for work and I had a total meltdown. Thanks to some great friends I got myself back under control and was ready to put the past few weeks behind us and start our new life.
But not so fast. After one week his company insisted that we move out of the Ko 'Olina hotel because it was too costly. So we moved into a more affordable vacation rental/hotel in Waikiki. This was another thing I had to handle all alone, and another stress to put Maggie through. At this point, she had already moved four times and had another move to go. Not to mention a six hour plane ride. I walked into the new room and slowly had a panic attack. It was so small, I was sure that we would kill each other before we had the chance to move into a permanent housing situation. All of the back and forth made job hunting, enjoying the scenery, and enjoying each other impossible. We could not agree on a place to live and were back to being short and unpleasant to each other. I was beginning to regret the move, and was having some serious fears that we were unraveling. I was afraid that the distance lasted too long and we were no longer capable of being together. I also felt like every time I thought we were over the stress hill, another hill suddenly appeared to block our way to settling and getting used to each other again. I was also really concerned that I was seeing familiar patterns of Richard just immersing or hiding in his work, and I did not like it.
Finally we found a place we loved and made a difficult decision to stretch ourselves financially and sign the lease. Richard left again for a few days to return to California for work, so I was once again left to manage another move alone. By this time I had lost count of the recent moves and was resentful that I was the one always managing everything. I moved out of Long Beach alone the first time, San Rafael alone, Oakland alone, Long Beach again alone, and now three different hotel rooms. Richard scoffed that it required no effort on my part, but most of these places required serious deep cleaning and I often had an unruly pet rabbit in tow. At any rate, the final (for at least two years I hope!) move occurred on February 10th, but I didn't give up the other room until Richard returned from the Mainland because I didn't want to spend the first night in the new place, our place, alone. So when he returned on February 13th, we spent our first night together in our new place. And as I hoped, we have been doing pretty damn good ever since.
We finally got internet sorted out this past Saturday. This past weekend was the first weekend that we were able to just be together and enjoy. No unpacking to do. No searching to do. So relax and enjoy we did. We have fallen back into a good rhythm together and seem to be enjoying living together again and spending quiet evenings together. And Richard seems to be making a good effort to be home at a reasonable hour every night. Maggie also seems to be doing splendidly, and Richard's sudden development of a rabbit allergy has miraculously subsided!
Once we had decided on this place, on February 7th, I was able to focus more on my job search. I received at least three rejections, but most often received no response at all. I was getting very concerned. I was so focused on apartment hunting and job hunting the first few weeks I had very little down time. But after we moved, job hunting didn't eat up much time during a day. I was getting really irritated with doing all of Richard's bidding and I was also getting really lonely. Richard was pretty much the only person I had interacted meaningfully with since January 22nd, and most of those interactions occurred in the last few hours of a day. I was spending a lot of time alone. I realized that I needed a job quick. For my mental health, for our financial comfort, and probably for the health of the relationship. I decided to take a break from the mental health world for a minute and took a job as a veterinary technician. I started that job this past Monday. I am continuing to pursue becoming licensed in Hawaii for mental health and will return to that kind of work later in the year if all goes according to plan. In the mean time, I get to learn new things, play with puppies and kitties, and get paid less than San Francisco's minimum wage!
And now we are once again caught up!! Obviously I left out a lot of gruesome details, but the important part is that for now, things are okay. I am alone again for a few days while Richard is off cavorting for work again and I miss him terribly. Which I think is a really good sign that I am right where I belong.
