My LDR with my family

As I have mentioned before, I think long-distance relationships come in many packages. You mostly only hear about intimate relationships being long-distance, probably because they are the most traumatic and the most difficult to maintain. But MANY, many of us are separated from our friends and family. Almost every single person I know is far, far away from someone they love deeply. In fact, I am having a hard time thinking of one person I know that is not far away from at least one person they love. And all of these people have to work at maintaining these relationships. I have to work at maintaining my long-distance relationship with Richard and with many of my friends, but I have to work very hard at maintaining my long-distance relationship with my family.
As many of you know, I was born and raised in San Diego. Many of my friends still live in San Diego. I moved from San Diego in 1998 and I haven't lived there again since. I love San Diego. It is a beautiful city, with perfect weather for my liking. I miss being near my friends in Southern California, but I just don't know if I could happily live there again because I think I would have a hard time living in the same city as my family. Plus I am loving my life in Northern California, so for now I remain long-distance from my parents. And this is an issue that causes quite a bit of contention for them.
The problem about this is multi-faceted. One big problem is that my parents are not technology savvy. My father doesn't have a cell phone, so I have no way of contacting him without my mother being there, undoubtedly listening on the other phone, or her face pressed up against his so she hears what I say. He does not know how to work the computer, and she won't teach him. So I have no relationship with my father independent of my mother. She on the other hand is pretty tech savvy. However, we have had some issues with our email communication, and she abused texting, so I had to set a boundary with that one. So our main line of communication is the phone. This has worked out well for the most part. When I first moved away, I was mandated to daily phone calls. Over the last decade this has been reduced to weekly, which works out just fine for me.
The bigger problem in maintaining our long-distance relationship is the issue of visiting. This is complicated by the mental health issues in my family. My mother suffers from acute anxiety, with agoraphobia, which is a fear of leaving the house. This has progressed to the point that she will no longer leave the house alone, and has extreme anxiety leaving the house at all. I pushed and pushed them to come and visit me in 2006. Because of my mother's anxiety about the dog and the house, they chose to come separately. This did not result in a good experience for either of my parents considering they have not gone a night apart in well over 15 years. So they have made it clear that will not happen again. So, they have not come to see me since, and have no plans to do so. This means the responsibility and cost of visits is mine. It can be a heavy emotional burden. It can be a heavier burden when my intimate relationship is now also a long-distance relationship.
In the year since Rich and I have been apart, my parents have not seen much of either of us. And they decided to point that out a number of times in the week leading up to this weekend. They are especially upset about our upcoming trip to visit his family, which makes me so angry I can't even go into it here. The other problem is how different I am from them. My parents are conservative, Christian, Republicans. We differ about issues so much, we cannot even discuss them without anger. My mother informed me this weekend that I am so incorrect in my views, that she cannot even respect my point of view, but will continue to pray for me in earnest. The message I received: I bring shame to my family. Luckily, I am independent enough to not be ashamed of who I am, what I think or how I feel.
So to make a long, frustrating story shorter, dealing with my family is tough stuff. And I have no advice to anyone on how to survive long-distance relationships with family. And this is why my visits to San Diego are short and infrequent. I do not like to endure more than a weekend visit two to three times a year when I may be judged for simply being who they raised me to be. Or made to feel guilty for making my career a priority in this crucial time in my life. Or God forbid, wanting to spend Christmas with my partner and his family, who I have not seen in almost 18 months. And the last time we saw them, is when they travelled almost 10,000 miles round trip to come and visit us. Which unfortunately means I see my San Diego friends less, but I am also lucky enough that they come and see me too! Moral of the story: lots of relationships to maintain and survive, some much more effort than others. I hope all of your long-distance relationships are going smoothly, especially if you just realized that you have some!