A Hint of Something in the Air

I feel it. Changes are coming. Big ones. And I am freaking out.

Of course I want to be back living with Richard. But after nearly two years, I have really grown used to things being the way they are. Which just supports the theory that no matter how awkward or awful your situation is, you become accustomed. You acclimate. It becomes comfortable. Which breeds resistance to change. I would like to think that I am adaptable, but I get very comfortable. And when I'm comfy, I don't like shifting around. I love my apartment, I love my neighborhood, I love my friends, I love my work (sometimes), I love my life, except for the bit about never seeing my partner. And even that seems to be working lately.

So what happens when we live together again? I'm trying to remember what it was like before, when he first came back from England for good in 2004. My memory thinks that the transition was flawless. That we just naturally fell into a wonderful, blissful coexistence and cohabitation. Now I'm wondering if that was true, if that was his experience as well. Regardless, it will be different this time. We are different people. We are five years older. We are in different places professionally and geographically. Which leads to the question of how and when this anticipated reunion will come to pass. Will he be moving? Will I be moving? Will we both be moving? When will these questions be answered? And the biggest question of all, what will it be like for us?

I'm thinking about what it will be like again to have his clothes strewn everywhere. To have cabinet doors left open. To have the tiny hairs from when he shaves left all over the bathroom sink. To have five glasses of water left all over the house. To have him in bed with me again EVERY night. To cuddle on the couch while we watch television. To talk about how our days were in person. To hold hands and go for walks. To spend all day in bed if we want and not feel like we HAVE to get out and do something since we only get eight days together a month. Wow, the more I think, the more I realize that things will be just fine. So winds of change, bring it on.