I am no mathematician. Anyone that knows me well knows this to be true. I cannot figure out how much to tip a cab driver, and I can barely keep my checking account from getting withdrawn. But I decided to attempt the daunting task of figuring out exactly how many times I actually saw Richard in 2008. Sounds boring? It probably is, but they say you can't argue with numbers, so here goes.
Out of 366 days in 2008, I saw Richard 84 days. That may sound like a lot, but when you break it down into a percentage, that is 23% (.229 to be exact). That isn't even a quarter! When you break it down into weekends, we spent 21 weekends together, 37% of all possible weekends. These are numbers that I am not happy about.
In discussing LDRs with my friends at work earlier this week, I came to the depressing conclusion that I have no perks in my life. I live a life that is similar to that of a single person. I can go out when I want, come home when I want. No one leaves the kitchen cabinets open, or the toilet seat up or smelly socks all over the place. But I don't have any of the perks of being single. I don't get to flirt, I don't get drinks bought for me, and I don't meet new and interesting people in the dating scene. And I go to bed alone 282 nights per year.
And on the flip side, I don't have the perks of being in a relationship. I don't have a date to my holiday party tonight. I don't have someone to hug when I need to, to have everyday romance with. I don't get to say good morning or good night to the person I love. I have someone I talk to almost everyday, but that I only get to touch 84 times in a year.
So my conclusion is that LDRs are a form of self-hate. True masochistic (see second definition) torture. I suppose the payoff is in the end, but with no end in sight, it is hard to not get demoralized.
8 comments:
Hi carrie.
First of all, LOVE YOUR BLOG. I mean there's not much blog about real life LDR, most of them are more like advices and suggestions.
I recently entered this LDR. To make the story short, I've known the guy for 10 years with on and off relationship. I stopped talking to him when he told me he's married. 4 years later, he got divorced (with sole custody of his daughter) so I started talking to him again.
Anyway, I finally met him during Christmas holiday last year. Things went soooo great that I even leave my 7-years-boyfriend after I came back so that I can be with him. It's crazy, I know :)
Seriously, I've learned A LOT after reading your blog. Some of them I've already known and some that I have no idea about.
One thing I don't understand. You and Richard got married in 2005, you should have lived happily together by now. Why did you let yourself get back on this LRD ??
Well.... I hope we can be friends Carrie. One LDRer in Thaialnd to another LDRerin USA :)
Having a long distance relationship I guess is the hardest situation a couple could get into. Though I haven't experienced it, I have friends and relatives whose partners are oceans away from them and yet they were able to work their relationship out.
They said it was hard, but they just hold onto each other to keep the relationship strong and finally get to each others' arms when the right time comes.
savemymarriage
Thank you for your comment!!
I think being long distance is one of the hardest things that a couple could get into that doesn't involve some type of betrayal. That is why I wanted to start this blog and try to reach other people so they know they are not the only ones struggling, and that it is well worth it once it is all said and done. Looking forward to seeing my partner this weekend for the first time in a month!!
Savemymarriage.com looks interesting. I'd like to hear more about it!
I'm currently in an LDR myself (we also blog about it! ;) http://thepointismoot.wordpress.com/ And I'm of the opinion that they're like any other relationship - you have to decide if the other person is worth the heartache. I know that for me, at least for now, the times that we ARE together more than make up for the times that we are apart. If that ever changes, then there's going to be some serious re-evaluation of things.
In the meantime, my only suggestion is to just try to do whatever you can to feel close to him, even though you're far apart physically.
aw. sounds like you were going through some tough times. in my long distance relationship there are definite downs - but the ups make it all worthwhile. I hope the same is the case for you :)
www.coupledtogether.com/blog has great advice for couples doing LDRs.
How did you get through the self hate? I feel the same way about being in an LDR and being "single" and I hate it. I don't know how to get over this feeling.
Hi Christina! I'm sorry it has taken me so long to respond! Been very busy playing hostess!
As far as the self-hate goes. I think I was just really frustrated that day! Reading back through it, it was a really frustrating time and I was feeling fed up. But now that the end has come and gone, it wasn't self hate, it was just doing what we needed to do to A) be together and B) meet our career goals.
You will have good days and bad days, for sure. I think you get through the bad days using your support system. I couldn't have done it without good support.
Hope that helps!
I enjoyed your article very much Carrie, Good Work (Y) :)
Save My Marriage
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